Marriott Courtyard from the Twilight Zone

My Courtyard has been taken over by Furries in town for a convention. Last night I rode the elevator to my floor with a 7 foot panda bear and an otter. At breakfast I met a cow and a tiger. Surreal.

Project: fill Louise's planter with snake plants

A friend had a boatload of extra, potbound snake plants so I dug some of his up, brought them home, cut them into 8 inch lengths, dunked them in rooting hormone and stuck them in Louise's planter.

Louise supervised. She likes having plants to stare at. I don't know why.

Titmouse teens

A pair of titmice were here last year and got quite tame and this year they are back. I think it's the same pair because they know my habits. They sit by the office window midmorning when I'm up and peck on the glass to remind me the window ledge is empty.

If I'm not in my office, they fly down to the kitchen window and flutter outside the glass there looking for me. Cracks me up.

Well, lately they've been bringing over this ugly pair of teenagers. These kids can fly but they sure are bedraggled looking. Typical teens, bringing shame to their parents in public.

In full sun, this rooftop below my window gets pretty hot. They were trying to cool off. Dumb thing to do in full sun, but they'll learn I guess. I keep the birdbath on the deck below full at all times so they can go soak if they want.

Charlotte the Argiope left me her kids!

Charlotte, the lovely Argiope spider I adopted last August, laid an eggsac and vanished last September.

Well, I saw my first Argiope last weekend but wasn't sure it was a baby Charlotte. Today, there is.. well... [pause while I google collective nouns]... yes, a Clutter of spiders. I count eight tiny orb weaver webs all in the same square yard of flower garden. They are more than vulnerable here, as the landscapers will kill many of them when they come around with trimmers, so I relocated the four bigger spiders to my 10-foot-tall butterfly bush in the hopes of giving them a fighting chance.

Here's a few baby pix of four just before relocation ...

I love cruel evil humor.

Cartoonist Dave Blazek makes me happy more days than not. His personal website is over here.

Mad Escher Spoof Humor

Math textbooks contain at least a couple of pieces of M.C. Escher art in the tessellations chapter but for whatever reason, this cartoon from a pal of mine tickles the hell out of me. See more tree lobster comics here.

Some things I learned rewriting my Wills

* Too many people make plans for their remains but never tell their family out of fear that the family will be angry or upset. This just dumps the chore of informing them on the poor executor and may lead to legal woes when family members use legal means to block your wishes being carried out.

* You do not need an attorney to write a simple will if you have half a brain. Willmaker software or a detailed How To book with form templates is fine. Wills are quick and dirty cash cows for attorneys who toss out boilerplate that may not even make a lick of sense. Regardless of the state law, get every legal document witnessed and notarized to give it credibility.

* Notaries only swear that they saw you sign the thing and that you are who you say you are. The document might be total garbage -- they do not read it and their presence doesn't mean your paperwork is legally sound. The same could be said of an attorney. I looked at a couple of other professionally prepared Wills as I did mine and found paragraphs that were grammatical garbage or referring to other sections of the Will that obviously didn't exist -- boilerplate getting picked up without scrutiny that it was relevant.

* AAA car club has a notary on staff who will notarize your docs for a small fee. The notary will also go find you a couple of witnesses. Forget taking along friends to be witnesses. Any witness needs to be a completely impartial person who is not nor is likely to become a close friend. Witnesses cannot be anyone who will be connected to your estate in any way, nor can they be medical professionals who might later care for you.

* There is no government entity that will read your Will and ensure that your executor carries out your wishes verbatim. If you are naming someone as your Executor, you're an idiot if you fail to get that person's permission first and if you fail to disclose to them the details of your wishes ahead of time so they already know what kind of hassle you are dumping on them.

* Your own safe deposit box at the bank is sealed on your death. Don't put the originals of vital papers in there unless you have a joint bank account.

* A Health Care Agent aka Medical Power of Attorney is someone authorized to make decisions about your medical care when you are unable. This agent needs to be a relative or friend who has detailed information on the kinds of care you do and do not want. This agent cannot by law be a medical professional who is treating you. Again, you need to discuss your wishes ahead of time with this person. If you're more inclined to wish to be removed from life support if you have so much as an ingrown toenail, your health care agent had better be someone willing to respect that, not be the type who will order all medical intervention necessary to keep you alive even in a hopeless vegetative state regardless of the cost.

* There's little harm and lots of benefit in starting an "FYI to my Executor" document of stuff that will make their role much easier
.... emotionally laden possessions you have and who you might wish them to go to, if anybody, so there aren't 14 relatives later all swearing that you promised them the Ansel Adams prints.
.... a list of what finances you have and where stuff is filed -- who you owe, who owes you, bills that are charged automatically to your bank or credit cards
Oh, someone already wrote a very good list -- here:
http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2009/05/26/preparing-your-information-for-disaster/

Perfect day for a wade up a creek

(click photos to embiggen)


85F, I waded a two-block stretch of Crabtree Creek about a mile from the mall.

Penny has got to lose weight and has trouble with her arthritis on blacktop; this was perfect as it forces her to swim or wade. She enjoyed her morning immensely.

I look like a redneck goober but it was cold and refreshing and felt divine. Plus it is just so heavenly beautiful and so close to home. What a gem of a spot.


















In other news, this is what a 3 to 4-foot tall butterfly bush looks like. He's about to flower right in line with the upstairs windows. I'm looking forward to photographing some hummingbirds while I'm upstairs in bed.

Death and taxes

Gross: Waking up to a horrible smell and learning that the snake you're snakesitting decided to puke up the mouse it ate 36 hours before. I succeeded in getting mouse parts into the inner of several nested plastic bags and disposing of mouse-part soup in the bottom of the aquarium all without throwing up myself.

Less Gross: For the third time in about 20 years of paying taxes, I goofed on my taxes and overpaid. And every time the error was found by the IRS who were kind enough to write and explain my error so maybe I won't make it again. Fun fact: there is no address on the "Contact the IRS" webpage for sending thanks or compliments. I wrote them a card.

So if I vanish off the face of the earth, it's because I got dragged off to a psych hospital for evaluation. How many thank you cards do the IRS get a year, I wonder?

Least Successful Attempt to Impress me with Punctuation

" They [semicolons] are to coordinate independent clauses of a compound sentence; to avoid breaking into separate sentences. "

And all math writers thank you

... because otherwise we'd all be so stuck for real world triangles to write problems about.

Studying for the GRE Subject Exam in Biology

While I'm waiting for more textbook publishing work to come along, I decided to tackle the lifelong goal of learning some biology, since I took none in high school and have always felt like I should understand this stuff better.

If I find that I like it, I can sign up to take the GRE subject test in biology when I'm ready and then add the results as college credit to my transcript from Excelsior College, assuming I score well enough. If I don't, I can take the test again in six months. I won't be taking any lab courses, so I won't be able to call this a major, but it will still count as 30 more credit hours that I didn't even need.

I haven't picked a goal test date yet, since I have no way of knowing how much I will enjoy the subject or how much time this will take and how busy my schedule will get months from now.

I have two old retired GRE subject exams to use as a reference and I'm planning to first plod through 1250 pages of the Campbell and Reece Biology textbook and then see from there what material is covered by the GRE that I haven't yet mastered.

If you're reading this and thinking of heading down the same path -- reading the text cover to cover for fun and taking the GRE biology without any formal classroom education in the subject, I'd love to hear from you!

Happy Walpurgisnacht, Y'all

I can't think of a better way to celebrate surviving last night than to go hang out Friday with my favorite Meddler with the Dead and watch the movie Fido.

How he made it this far without being made to watch this is beyond me.

It's not about a dog. It's not animated. It's not a children's flick.

It's just a sweet comedic lovestory about zombies. And people accuse me of taking all the romance out of life. Sheesh.

Movie trailer below.

An Asus Eee, two snakes, one box, one dog

Last week, the very funny guys at Woot.com were offering the $300 Asus Eee 900 for $154.99 including shipping, so I grabbed one. It's so Cuuuuuuute. And there's some Wi-Fi on my block, so now Louise can order her own mailorder bunnies online, as soon as she figures out how to work the mousepad.



I'm housesitting a friend's snakes. Two of them are very shy and reclusive. The third is curious about Louise and vice versa. Louise has taken to sleeping with her nose against the glass checking out her new roommate.





Finally, Penny the dog had fun with the leftover box from Woot and demonstrates in a silly video how good she is at getting sealed boxes open.

People are dumb, stupid animals. (rant)

It's Wednesday evening. My favorite travel company just called -- they've had some last minute cancellations. Would I be interested in jumping into a tour that begins Sunday? Could I get myself a last-minute flight from here to Spain by Sunday morning? Ouch. No. I turned it down.

People are canceling their vacations to Spain? Why? Oh wait! I get it. They speak Spanish there... just like in Mexico. Well, there you go. You can't be too careful. It could be that the swine flu is strongly influenced by the language. Sure. Right.

And now that I think about it, the average American probably doesn't know that Mexico is far far away from Spain. Given that a startling number of people, learning that I'm from England, have told me "We saw England at the Epcot center. It was real purty."

Geography alert: Below is a map of Epcot. Note that Mexico is next to Norway.

Now go to Google Maps. Ask it to show you Norway, then Mexico. Estimate the distance. I guess 5,000 miles.

My point? The map below is, umm, not to scale so much.

You love the Middle Ages, don't you!

(from an episode of "Family Guy")

You love the middle ages, Don't you?

Sir, Yes Sir!!

The concept of a Geocentric universe* gets you sexually excited, Doesn't it?

Sir, Yes Sir!!

You want to make 16th century mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch, Don't you?

Sir, Yes Sir!!


Amusing myself today listening to the director commentary tracks from Family Guy episodes. There aren't nearly enough WAV files of the most wonderful quotes, so I figured out how to make my own, including the above. Ask nicely and I'll forward it.


* For those of you still living in the Middle Ages, the geocentric universe concept is now considered slightly out of date. Unless you live in Texas. Where they also think the Moon generates its own light.

Would a little Spring weather be too much to ask?

Wasn't it snowing and sleeting two weeks ago? And high in the 90s tomorrow? It is April, right? And already too late to get out early annuals? Did somebody hypnotize me and I went mentally AWOL for a month? Two nights ago I need the electric blanket and now I'm battling with turning on the air already?

Penny the dog is laying on the kitchen tile panting at 8:30 p.m. I took her outside and hosed out down with the garden hose. This is nuts.

Somebody remind me.... is North Carolina always so annoying?

Sunday afternoon, first goslings sighted

Wildflower field

A year ago, this was a razed construction site with nothing but dirt. Then building plans got put on hold and the weeds took hold. This spring, a field of dense wild wiry grass has taken over, and this week only, it looks like this. Just beautiful. This is where I walk Penny most days. Or come and sit here with a book while she runs around sniffing stuff.

Moo, meeeeeeh, and quacks

Eric and I went out to our friend Marq's smallholding in the middle of nowhere. We were on the early side for his annual BBQ, so we had time for a tour of the Critters.

The sheep had recently made new sheep so once the new kid got bottle fed (his mother is a young and incompetent dork), Eric got to hold him. Awww.




















































Someone forgot to tell this big guy that he isn't a big dog. He's well mannered, comes when called, and keeps away from people so he doesn't hurt them. Good guy.









In a previous life, I was a competent goat massage therapist. Ear massage, all the skin around the horns. Pretty soon someone else gets jealous and butts in to get some attention too.